i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
