my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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