ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
