im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
