I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
