I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
