So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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