So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
