I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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