wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
