dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
