i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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