Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
