I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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