I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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