i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
