I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
