It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
