He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize