It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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