Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
