can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
