i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
