she woke up with a sticky ear
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
