....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
