You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Rumble strips road head = magical
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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