i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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