i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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