I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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