Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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