sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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