my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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