My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
