i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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