the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
