I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
