Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
