Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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