Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
