so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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