Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
