Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
