the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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