why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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