I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize