I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
