The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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