so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize