Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
