that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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