here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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