I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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