I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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