My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
