I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
