Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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