I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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