Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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