I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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