apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
birth control should be required to get into college
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
