I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
