Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
