I wish you could order shots online.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
