Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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