i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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