I will die if light touches me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
