He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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