i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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